Language Etiquette Begins at Home

There is joke that if you say, “I’m a boy,” with a wry look and in an aggressive tone, you mean that “I’m a bad boy”; and if you say, “I’m a boy,” with a smile and in a soft tone, you mean that “I’m a good boy.” The reason they sound totally different though they are the same words is the difference in the vessels that contain the words.

When you set the table for a guest, the taste of food is important, and you can’t help but care about the plates that contain the food. If the size, shape, and color of plates harmonize with the food, it looks more delicious. But if the plates are dirty, broken, or unsuitable for the food, the guest wouldn’t want to eat it no matter how delicious the food is.

It is often said that words are a vessel that contains thoughts. If you want to have a pleasant conversation in a relaxed atmosphere without disturbing the other person’s feelings, you should put your words in a good vessel. A good vessel refers to polite attitudes. Since the major means of communication is language, you may have a problem in communication unless you keep language manners.

Language etiquette is the top virtue in manners. The conflicts that arise at home, at school, and at work often begin with rude remarks. Language etiquette is more needed today because intemperate and rude words are rampant by the influence of TV and the Internet.

Harsh words nibble away the mind

Today, teenagers’ indiscreet use of language is serious. A few years ago, the Korean Broadcasting System and the National Institute of the Korean Language surveyed 1,518 teenagers in Korea. According to the survey, only 8.6% of them said that they do not use abusive words at all while 52.5% of them habitually do.

Using the right language has the effect of activating the frontal lobe of the brain and soothing one’s nerves. However, if it becomes a habit to resolve negative emotions with abusive words, you will find it difficult to express your emotions in detail and your vocabulary is reduced. It will even harm your emotional stability, which becomes a potential cause of crimes.

Harsh language damages both the speaker and the listener. Martin Teicher, a professor at Harvard Medical School, examined the brains of 554 adults who had been exposed to verbal abuse in their childhood, and found that their corpus callosum and hippocampus shrank, compared with ordinary people. Such brain injuries reduce memory and learning abilities, and increase the chances of developing mental illness.

It is when you get angry that you are most likely to ignore linguistic etiquette. Even the person who puts a high value on language etiquette may bombard others with rough words in an emotional state. If you admonish your child emotionally, you come to say harsh words. If you do not suppress your anger but pour out harsh words, you will lose all the positive feelings and trust that you have built up by observing linguistic etiquette. it is just like the tower established with great efforts collapses in a moment. It is better not to say anything in the emotional state. And wait until you calm down, and then solve the cause of anger. That’s the way not to hurt your mind and others’.

Language etiquette: respect and consideration for others

The passive meaning of language etiquette is not to make the other person feel bad. In order not to do so, you should refrain from abusive language, slang, abbreviation, profanity, and talking down. Such languages make listeners feel not only offended but also alienated because those who do not use such expressions cannot understand them well, and the conversation will be eventually broken off.

But the active meaning of language etiquette is to make the other person feel better. If you use the right language with a bright look and polite attitudes, it will not only make the listener feel good but also return to you as a virtue. A person who has good language etiquette looks dignified and receives a favor from others.

Language etiquette is ultimately learning how to respect and be considerate of others and putting it into practice. Between the student who says, “One question,” and the student who says, “Sir, may I ask you something?” you can tell who is more respectful of the teacher.

Another way to keep your language etiquette is to speak easily for the other person to understand rather than for yourself. Sometimes, the listener may not understand what you are saying because he does not know all your thoughts and situations. If then, do not blame him on being dull of hearing, but change the way you speak. Speaking from the listener’s point of view, choosing the words that fit the level of the listener, and speaking kindly—all these belong to language etiquette.

Language etiquette includes nonverbal elements such as looks, tone, and attitudes as well as linguistic elements such as honorifics, title, and vocabulary. Therefore, be careful not to interrupt the speaker, or turn away your eyes from the other person while he is speaking, or swing your body or shake your legs while you are speaking.

Language etiquette begins at home

Language etiquette is a challenge for schools, communities, and families to solve together. The starting point is home. Language is influenced by people around the person, and the most influential place is home. You can tell if a child was well educated or not through the words the child uses. The use of right language has something to do with learning effect, so parents should not only care about their children’s study but also education on language etiquette.

The education on language etiquette is simple: Just let your child hear you politely speak rather than teaching him what is right and wrong. It is no exaggeration to say that the dignity of parental language is the key to raising children successfully because their values and character can change, depending on the words their parents use.

When husband and wife respect each other and use honorifics, their child has a habit of using honorifics. Some parents do not educate their children about the use of honorifics because they think it hinders their closeness and autonomy. But wise parents pay attention to the use of honorifics for the sake of their children. Also, if a child speaks abusive or rude language, ask what made him angry and have a conversation rather than forcing them not to do that. After that, let the child know how to express his mind with appropriate language and good manners.

However friendly you are between parents and children, make sure to keep the language etiquette. It is the same between husband and wife. At home where all the tension is loosened, you can have a truly beautiful and harmonious family when your family members are respectful and considerate of each other, keeping good manners, though you are close. On the contrary, the family that uses rough words cannot expect a bright future. If there is constant discord at your home, see how you normally speak first.

The medium of communication varies as the age and the environment changes, but the value of language etiquette will not change as long as people live together. Capable and competent people are recognized in society, but those who win favor of people are eventually those who are polite and humble.

It is home that plays the most central role in nurturing virtuous and talented people. We think of what to eat today and what clothes to wear tomorrow in everyday life. From now, let us think over language etiquette: ‘How should I say to make the other person feel better’ or ‘How should I change in language habits?’ Why don’t you serve your family love in a beautiful vessel of mind just like a delicious food on a pretty plate of which you will be happy at the mere sight?