Happiness Comes When You Leave Your Worries Behind

Deep in the past, there was a person who was full of worries. He could not even sleep, eat, or go outside the house, worrying that the sky might collapse and the land might fall.

Everyone dreams of a worry-free life, but actually lives in many needless worries and fears. It is not an exaggeration to say that a life is a continuation of worries: school grades, health, relationships, employment, marriage, child rearing, supporting aged parents, preparation for their later years, etc. Those who are physically weak worry about their weakness, and the healthy are afraid of losing their health. If they are unhappy, they are anxious about being unhappy; if they are happy, they are afraid that their happiness may not last long. Like a Korean saying that goes, “A person who has 1,000 rice bags has 1,000 worries, and a person who has 10,000 rice bags has 10,000 worries,” everyone has his own worries whether poor or rich.

Worry is an unwelcome guest in our life. Then why do we keep worrying? It may be because of fear for the uncertain future or anxiety that your long-standing dream may not be accomplished or too much affection for another person. Whatever the reason is, there is a negative mentality deep in the emotion called worry; negative thoughts that something bad can happen cause anxiety.

As social structure becomes more complicated and big accidents and incidents occur frequently, compared with the past days when the daily routine was regular and monotonous, it has become more difficult to predict what will happen in the future. As a result, people’s anxieties and worries are increasing. Then if they worry, will it be helpful even a little bit?

Worry blocks happiness

A worry is nothing but a baseless anxiety, and in many cases it rarely happens. Even if it happens, the problem cannot be solved just by worrying in advance. If nothing happens though you worried, you will think it was solved thanks to your worry, but this is nothing but an illusion.

A Tibetan saying goes, “If worries disappear just by worrying, there will be no worry.” Educationalist Leo Buscaglia said, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but it only saps today of its joy.” ‘What if my grades go down?’ ‘What if I get fired?’ ‘What if my child goes wrong?’ Although you have these worries in mind, nothing can change. You will be only full of worries on your face and in your minds.

Too much worry is led to emotional ups and downs and haste due to stress. Immersed in your own desires and fears, you will easily forget other people’s troubles. Daniel Goleman, the author of Social Intelligence, said, “The greater the anxiety we feel, the more impaired is the empathy with others.”

Excessive worries can cause illnesses such as generalized anxiety disorder, hypochondriasis, obsessive-compulsive neurosis, insomnia, and even worsen other diseases. According to a research of the medical world, 80% of gastrointestinal diseases and 60% of skin diseases are caused by psychological causes, and it turned out that people with much worry among glaucoma patients suffer severe eye pain and visual field defect. There is also a study that telomere length of the women with more worries gets shorter, speeding up their aging.

Just as a child who is afraid of falling cannot take his steps, if you worry first, you will lose confidence and miss many opportunities. You cannot do what you have to do, and you can hardly succeed because you don’t challenge out of fear for failure.

“Does a man of virtue, too, have worries?” At the question of his disciple, Confucius said, “A noble man enjoys his will before he takes up a public office, and after he gains it, he enjoys the reign. Therefore, he is always happy without having a single day to worry in his lifetime. But a man of small character is afraid that he will be unable to get a position before he gets it, and after he makes it, he is worried about losing it. Therefore, he is full of worries without a joyful day in his lifetime.”

The enemy of happiness is worry and anxiety. You don’t need to lose your present joy and happiness because of what has not happened. A life free from anxiety is a successful and happy life.

Wise choices to deal with worries

① Prepare and practice

If you are thoroughly prepared, you will have no worry. As you prepare an umbrella for raining after seeing the sky covered with dark clouds, if you plan and prepare for something in advance, worries will disappear. If you are worried about your unstable job, you should do self-development. If you are worried about your later years, you should save money. If you are worried about your health, you should exercise. When you go out to a competition or make a presentation in front of many people, confidence is to be filled up as much as you’ve practiced. If you eat something at night, saying, “I’m worried about gaining weight,” or if you slide under the covers, saying, “I’m getting lazy. This is a big problem,” then what will be the use of your worrying? If you have a worry, think over what to do and put it into action. Then, worry is no longer an enemy of happiness, but an energy source of growth.

② Stay faithful to the present

Just as a rolling stone gathers no moss and running water does not rot, those who work hard have no time to feel anxiety. A marathon runner does not worry about how to run 42.195 kilometers, but aims at running 500 meters and 1 kilometer. Women divers jump into the sea in cold winter because they did yesterday.

Life is made complete each and every day this way. If you are worried about tomorrow, why don’t you think of today? Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. If you live diligently today, you can do tomorrow, too. When you stay faithful to the present, you won’t stick to the past or regret in the future.

③ Think positively

People think, ‘There would be no worry if my position were higher, if I were healthier, and if I had more property.’ If their wishes are granted, do you think all their worries will disappear? Surely there will be another worry.

If you are not satisfied now, you will not be satisfied but still regret for things lacking even if the situation changes. Just like the story about a mother who has two sons—an umbrella seller and a straw shoes seller, it depends on your way of thinking whether you live a life of constant anxiety or a life full of thanksgiving. If it is a problem that threatens your safety, you must doubt and examine it. But if the problem comes from your desire to get more than your ability, then you’d better choose to be thankful and satisfied.

④ Support and cheer

A survey shows that what adult children hate to hear from their families or relatives on holidays is the words of concern: “When are you going to get married?” or “Did you get a job?” Although you may ask these questions out of your sincerity, from the listener’s point of view, they may feel that you regard them as pathetic.

If parents worry too much about their children, the children can’t even trust themselves. Some people identify their concerns with interest, and misunderstand that parents have no interest in their children unless they worry about them. But if you want to express your interest and love, it will be much better to support and cheer them than to worry.

In the animated film The Lion King, when the lion, the main character, was having a hard time, his friends said, “Hakuna Matata!” a Swahili phrase meaning “No problem. Everything will go well.” The lion overcomes adversity and finally becomes the king of the meadow.

⑤ Accept change flexibly

People have expectations and excitement when facing a new environment or a stranger, but on the other hand, they are worried first. Life is a continuation of change, such as getting a new job and entering school. There is a time to go and a time to come, a time to part and a time to meet. We should not always stick to familiarity. Just as our outer appearance and thoughts change as time goes by, the environment changes and sometimes we may go through what we have not thought of at all.

Let us welcome everything that is going on in our life. Even though your plan is not going as you please, if you take all the experiences, you will be inured to suffering and difficulties and the fear and worries about the future will vanish.

⑥ Waiting to pass

Author Ernie J. Zelinski wrote in his book, “40% of anxieties never come to reality. 30% of anxieties are what has already happened. 22% of anxieties are only slight worries. 4% of anxieties are what we cannot control with our own power/plan. And only 4% of anxieties are what we can control with our own power/plan.” It means that 96% of worries are unnecessary.

While there are things that people can provide against, there are also many things that can’t be controlled. If then, it is better to wait, thinking, ‘This, too, shall pass,’ rather than being overly anxious. It can be an opportunity for growth after you go through it. If it is a problem to be solved, you don’t need to worry about it; and if it can’t be solved, it is of no use worrying.

There is an old saying that goes, “Do all the duties of man and wait for heaven’s will.” The Bible says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Just like walking by night without a lamp, we can’t see anything about the future. It is not easy to live without worry because we don’t know what will happen. Then can we be happy if we have the power to foresee the future? No. Hope will disappear along with worry, and our life will become boring.

Because we don’t know what will happen tomorrow, we can make efforts and become excited, expecting that something wonderful will happen. Also, we soothe and encourage each other, saying, “Don’t worry. Everything will go well.” Then we can gain comfort and relief, believing the power of these hearty words!