Men and Women Are So Different, but That’s What Makes More Harmony!

The book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus has been one of the best sellers ever since it was published. The book introduces an interesting idea of how men and women are different in their characters and their ways of thinking because they are from different planets. It also explains how men and women feel and think differently, which has elicited public sympathy.

Actually, even people of the same gender sometimes have problems understanding each other. There is a conflict between a mom and a daughter, a dad and a son, a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. So we cannot jump to a conclusion that the cause of misunderstandings is a gender difference. Moreover, it is not right to judge everybody on the basis of gender and say, “All women are like that!” or “Why are all men like that?” Of course, men and women are different by nature in the way of thinking, expressing themselves, and behaving. But this doesn’t mean that one is superior to the other or that one is inferior to the other. It just means that they are different from each other.

Therefore, to prevent conflicts and have smoother communication, we need to acknowledge the difference between men and women. Although every individual is different, if we keep in mind that there is always a reason for an incomprehensible behavior of a person, we will be able to accept that behavior with a broad mind instead of trying to fix it or blaming it.

When a mom cries, her daughter cries too, but her son is indifferent

A TV program had an experiment with little boys and girls. It was to see what different reactions boys and girls would show when their moms pretended to get her finger hurt and cry while they were playing with toys. The boys didn’t show much reaction and continued to play, whereas the girls looked sad and ended up crying.

Generally, women are more empathetic than men. Women can imagine and put themselves in someone else’s shoes. That’s why they can sympathize with someone else’s pain and cry for it. However, men are insensitive to a matter they have never experienced. For example, the men who have been in the military understand how hard it is, but they cannot empathize with people in soap operas or movies.

Women can read emotions of others

Women can read emotions of others just by looking at their faces. Girls read their mom’s emotions just by looking at their eyes, but men don’t know how their moms or wives are feeling; when their moms or wives are angry, they don’t realize it and make them even angrier by asking them, “What’s wrong?” Men don’t even know their own emotions well, and they tend to hide their feelings instead of exposing them, which is why they cannot read emotions of others. Therefore, wives should not expect their husbands to understand their subtle emotions. When they are angry or upset, they need to explain to their husbands how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way.

Women are comforted with a few words

In many cases, women can pull themselves together and be relieved from the stress by expressing their emotions. Therefore, it is important that men listen to what women want to say. When a wife talks about what happened that day or about her concerns, a husband can solve the problem just by agreeing with her. Women try to get empathy and comfort through conversation, but men try to get solution. That is why they often have a conflict with each other. Here is an example. “My back hurts from cleaning the house today.” “Go see the doctor tomorrow.” “It’s not that bad.” “It’s because you don’t exercise enough. You have to exercise.” “I don’t have time to exercise.” “Then what do you want me to do for you?” Then their conversation will lead to an argument. What the wife wanted to hear was, “Oh, I’m sorry you had to work a lot. I appreciate it.” Keep in mind that there can be a reverse effect if you try to give advice or suggestion when your wife complains about something.

Men go to their caves

Women get rid of their stress by talking, but men tend to go to their caves when there is a problem (according to Dr. John Gray, the writer of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus).When men want to be left alone and talk less, women are likely to misunderstand that they don’t love them. However, women need to understand that this is a general character of men. The more you try to force them out of the cave or try to make them talk or give them advice which they didn’t even ask for, the longer the men will stay in the cave.

Moreover, men’s brains need a break, which is why they want to take breaks sometimes. For this reason, they sometimes stare at TV vacantly or fall into a deep thought, waiting to catch fish with a fishing rod in their hands for hours. Sometimes, they forget about stressful matters by playing sports or watching sports games. While doing that, they might not hear what you say or notice other things. So, instead of trying to urge them, give them time to rest. On the contrary, if it’s a wife or a mom who doesn’t talk, it’s better to show concern and try to start a conversation.

Men can do only one thing at a time

Women can watch the baby, cook the rice, listen to the radio, and clean the house in between. As the corpus callosum which connects the left and right cerebral hemispheres is a lot bigger in women’s brains than in men’s brains, it facilitates interhemispheric communication more in women’s brains than in men’s brains. This allows women to handle many different things at the same time. However, men’s brains are set up to be able to do only one thing at a time, which is why they cannot see or hear other things while focusing on one thing. The reason your husband or son doesn’t answer you when you call them is not that they ignore you, but that they really can’t hear you. If you keep this in mind, you will not be upset when that happens. Therefore, when you ask a man to do several things, don’t list them all at the same time, but wait until they handle one thing before you ask for another. If you ask your son several questions such as “Did you brush your teeth?” “What about your homework?” “Did you get everything ready for school tomorrow?” it almost sounds like nagging.

Women are good at talking indirectly

Women are more used to talking indirectly while men talk directly and simply. Women mention what they want to eat indirectly and implicitly, and they want the other person to understand what they want to say. When a wife asks her husband, “Do you want to have spaghetti?” she is not asking to know whether her husband wants to eat spaghetti. What she actually means is that she herself wants spaghetti. When your wife asks you, “How do you like my new dress?” don’t try to give an objective statement, but say that it looks good on her. Then your wife will be happy. Even if your husband doesn’t give you the answer you want to hear or doesn’t understand what you mean, you don’t need to be disappointed or angry. It is not his fault.

The best compliment for a man is acknowledgment

Men like to be acknowledged. They can do anything for those who acknowledge them. They sometimes do something reckless or dangerous because they want to be acknowledged as bold and courageous ones. This is why they try to solve problems by themselves. They tend to think that asking an advice means they are incapable, which is why they don’t like to ask for directions when they get lost. In this case, don’t try to direct or urge them, but wait patiently and compliment them when they find the way.

When your husband buys you a gift, express your joy and thanks to him even if you don’t like the gift. That is also a way to acknowledge your husband. If you say to your husband, “You are the best,” or “You are really awesome,” and to your dad, “I’m so happy you’re my dad,” or, “I believe you,” then they will try their hardest to be the best husband or father.

There are so many other differences between men and women. Men have outstanding spatial visualization ability but cannot locate things, while women can locate things easily but have poor spatial visualization ability. The way they express their love is also different from each other. Women express their love through words, while men express it through action. Just because the husband doesn’t say “I love you” to his wife, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his wife. Carrying something heavy for his wife or going to a market together with her is a proof that he loves her.

Men should pay attention to what women say and express their concerns and affection more. And women should love men the way they are, encourage them and acknowledge them. God created men and women different from each other, probably because God wants them to understand and help each other, filling in each other’s shortcomings.