Take Care of Your Emotions and Your Family’s

Feeling satisfied from eating delicious food; feeling awkward when encountering a person you are uncomfortable with in a narrow corridor; feeling confident when solving a difficult problem; feeling sad when breaking up with your loved one; feeling sorry when you are late for an appointment; feeling scary when walking a dark night street, and so on. Emotions lie in everything that we experience in our lives.

An emotion is a feeling caused by the situation that you are in or the people you are with. But emotions don’t just end in the mind. Not only does the corresponding expression appear on the face such as laughing or frowning, but also the body reacts such as stiff neck and shoulders when you’re tense, trembling when angry, and shrinking when fearful.

In fact, more than a hundred years have passed since scientists studied the cognitive relationship between emotions and the brain, but it has not been clear how emotions work. Emotions are inseparably related to the brain, and it is only assumed that the almond-shaped amygdala located deep in the limbic system controls them and the prefrontal lobe regulates them.

We encounter these complex and subtle emotions that even cause bodily reactions countless times a day from the moment we open our eyes in the morning until we go to bed. Changeable emotions sometimes make you yourself and others have a hard time, but if there are no emotions, there will be no will, no memories, no excitement, and ultimately no fun to live. Thanks to emotions, our lives are more vibrant and richer.

All feelings are necessary

It is often said that you have to “think rationally” to make an important decision or choice. However, if emotions are completely excluded, proper decision-making is impossible. American neuroscientist Antonio Damasio studied a man with damage to the prefrontal cortex associated with emotion. As a result, the man’s intelligence and logical reasoning remained unchanged, but he found it difficult to choose what color pen to use, where to eat lunch, and what kind of socks to wear. This proves that not only reason but also emotions such as “I like” and “I dislike” work together in choosing things and deciding on priorities.

Positive emotions such as joy, pleasure, gratitude, satisfaction, comfort, and pride enrich our lives and increase work efficiency by giving vitality and creativity. These emotions enable you to see the positive points of people, objects, and situations, and to quickly overcome difficult circumstances, motivating you to actively progress toward the goal.

Negative emotions also have benefits. What if, for example, a car is running toward you and you don’t feel afraid? You will just be watching. Because you feel anxious and fearful, you can avoid danger and cope with it by finding the cause of the emotion. In addition, when you go through something unfair or are hurt by others, you feel anger, a natural and normal feeling that stems from your willingness to protect yourself, giving you an opportunity to become aware of what is wrong and to correct it. Guilt makes you reflect on your actions and prevents you from repeating the same mistakes, and sadness enables you to empathize with others and have strong bond with them.

In this way, each emotion has its own role. Different emotions in different situations are signals that the brain sends to us, and they serve as milestones that lead us to act. A sunny day is good, but both rainy days and windy days are also necessary. Likewise, various emotions are essential in our lives.

The ability to control emotions

“He is moody,” or “She is so emotional.”

No one would consider these words as compliments. As mentioned earlier, emotions occur, regardless of your will. However, when you react as your emotions lead, it is easy to make irrational decisions and you may become distant from those around you. It is a different matter between what kind of emotion you feel and how you react to it. It is hard for you to choose an emotion, but you can choose your reactions to emotions by learning and practicing.

Usually, if negative emotions are expressed as they are, they cause side effects. Mature handling of negative emotions requires the ability to control emotions. Controlling emotions does not mean to just endure and suppress them, but to filter and resolve them in a non-aggressive way.

In order to do this, you should first be aware of what emotions you feel and what you think. It is just like knowing the name of the disease to cure it. After knowing how you feel, such as ‘Oh, I’m worried and frustrated now’ or ‘I’m so upset because of this,’ you need to express your feelings in a modest way or find a solution, taking into account why you feel that way and how this affects you and others. When emotions are well controlled, it is possible to make rational decisions by taking both reason and emotion into account.

An emotion arises not by external events or other people, but is related to the desire within you. Although other people provide a cause, the emotion that arises within you is yours, and the subject to express the emotion is also you. The process of “situation-thinking-feeling-action” occurs so rapidly that mostly you cannot notice it. However, if you are aware of it and look back to see whether your thoughts about a situation are exaggerated or excessive and if you change your thoughts, it will help you control your emotions.

Respect others’ feelings

Everyone wants their feelings to be acknowledged. You feel a sense of stability and friendliness from those who listen to and empathize with your stories. Therefore, if you want to keep a good relationship with your family, friends, and coworkers, you should be a person who is happy when they are happy and who is sad when they are sad. In other words, you need the ability to understand and accept the other person’s emotions.

Without being aware of the other person’s feelings, you may often rashly give advice or change topics, which makes them feel frustrated and angry; for examples, when your spouse feels bad about something, you say, “Why do you get offended at such trifles?” or when your child talks about his hard school life, you say, “It’s not only you who have a hard time.”

Even negative emotions need to be acknowledged first. If your spouse is upset, empathize him or her first, saying, “You might’ve felt uncomfortable in that situation.” Then you can talk in a good mood. And if you empathize with your child who is having a hard school life, saying, “Oh, you’re having a hard time,” you can ease the burden of his emotion.

Although you can clearly tell right from wrong, discerning right and wrong is useless when the other person is very emotional. If you try to correct only wrong behaviors without feeling empathy, their resentment will increase. Even if you give advice because you really want to help, it is like adding fuel to the flames. Analyzing the situation and telling helpful information is the next thing. When someone expresses a negative emotion, if you suppress and ignore their emotion, that negative emotion will last; but if you acknowledge and accept their emotion, the negative emotion will quickly disappear and they will be able to think rationally.

In order to understand and empathize with the other person’s feelings, you need to listen to what they say and look carefully at their physical reactions. It is better not to ask “Why?” except the case when you cannot guess their feelings at all. It’s because they may feel burdened in explaining the reason, and may feel like you are reproaching them for having that kind of feeling. Even when you apologize, it is more effective to fully understand the unpleasant feelings that they may have experienced and empathize with them rather than just say that you are sorry.

Everyone is influenced by the emotions of others whether they want it or not. Just as you come to yawn, seeing the person next to you yawning, emotions are easily transferred because of human empathy ability. Among your family members who are close to you, emotion’s impact is stronger than among any others. When your family smiles brightly or hums, don’t you feel better along with them?

You feel happy when you share positive emotions, but you don’t when you share negative emotions. Some people believe that it is good for your health to vent your bad feelings without keeping them to yourself. Many people pour out bad feelings at home, which they had at school or at work. In that case, you need to be aware that your family, who has nothing to do with that feeling, pays the price. Sometimes you need to release those emotions, but if you do it habitually, it hurts people around you.

A happy family respect each other’s feelings and share positive feelings enough. “I’m happy to be with you,” “Mom and Dad, thank you for being my parents,” or “I’m happy to have you. You can’t be replaced by anything in the world.” If you give these words with a smile to your family, though they seem trivial, their effect is tremendous.