Family conflicts are often caused by hard-hitting words. Speakers often think that honest advice and pointing out will help the other person, while the person who hears it often get wounded or stressed.
A Jewish saying goes, “A hundred harsh words of a stranger are bearable, but a single unkind word of your friend deeply hurts you.” It means that the wound we receive from a close person lasts long.
The advice that offends the other person’s feelings leaves only scars, not much effect. But if you understand and sympathize with the other person with interest in what he says, many things will change. It is a kind of love to give advice and point out the shortcomings with sincerity for the precious family, but the bigger love is to wait with understanding and bring out the best in each of them.
- Tip
- Think in the other person’s position before giving advice.
- Examine yourself if you want to give advice out of affection for the other person.
- Do not say as if you force the other. (e.g.: “Change your way!”)
- Do not blame or criticize the other person in public.
- Do not give advice in comparison with others.
- Do not repeat the same words a couple of times.
- Do not give advice in an angry mood.
- Persuade indirectly instead of giving advice.
- Check time, place, and the other person’s mood before speaking.
- Give more compliments than advice.
- Set a good example in deeds.