I went to my daughter Seo-hee’s kindergarten to pick her up. When her teacher brought her out, she said to me with an anxious look.
“Seo-hee blinked her eyes all day. It’s not her first time. I’m worried about her.”
“Ah, she has sensitive eyes, so she does that when she feels sleepy or reads a lot. I’ll put her to bed earlier, and then she’ll be alright.”
I said as if it was not a big problem, and I came back home. However, probably because of what her teacher said, it seemed like she was blinking her eyes more often than before. When she was reading a book or eating or talking, she wouldn’t stop blinking her eyes. Finally, I yelled at her before I knew it.
“Stop that!”
She said she would, but kept repeating it. Her repeated behavior got me upset, so I scared her, saying, “If you keep doing that, your friends will make fun of you. I’ll take you to the doctor and the doctor will give you a shot!” and told her that I wouldn’t buy her any of the snacks she liked. Then she burst into tears.
“Mom, I’m trying, but I can’t help it!”
“Nothing is impossible if you try! It means that you are not trying hard enough. Try harder!”
A few days passed, but she didn’t get better. I got worried, so I took her to the eye doctor. After checking her eyes, the doctor showed me the pictures of her eyes on the screen.
“It must’ve been very painful! You see these eyelashes in her eyes, right? Her eyelashes were growing inward and poking her eyes. You see how red her eyes are. They got infected. I’ll take those eyelashes out today, and you have to keep checking her eyes and take them out if you see any. Don’t forget the eye drops.”
After seeing the doctor, I felt so bad. I had no idea that her eyelashes were poking her eyes, and only pushed her to correct her bad habit. I felt ashamed of myself.
“Seo-hee, do your eyes still hurt?”
“No, mom. Nothing is poking them, so they don’t hurt.”
“Wow, you’re a big girl now! I think you’re ready to enter elementary school.”
“Yes, I’m a big girl now. I’m going to listen to you well.”
Her smile made me relieved and smile. Although I didn’t say it out loud, I said sorry to her in my mind many times. Instead of checking if her eyes were hurting, I only said things that must’ve hurt her feelings.
I thought that I was having enough conversations with her and giving her enough love. I thought that I brought myself down enough to her level. However, now I think I didn’t try to read her heart or make sure that everything was fine. I only gave her love by my standard and in my way.
I also came to think that I might’ve hurt the brothers and sisters in Zion with my stubborn thoughts, not seeing their wounds, though I’ve been with them and saying that I love them. I believed that I did my best though I gave them love in my own way, not knowing how hurt they were or how hard their situations were.
From now on, I would like to be in pain when my brothers and sisters are in pain, and joyful when they are joyful because we are the parts of one body. I will cover my brothers and sisters’ wounds, not hurting them, and share Heavenly Mother’s love with them.