The Habit of Loving
Birds that soar freely through the sky are admired for their natural ability to fly. Yet even a newly hatched bird must practice countless times before flying becomes effortless. Habits are formed in much the same way. Just as a young bird repeatedly flaps its wings, when we practice a behavior again and again until it becomes ingrained, we eventually begin to perform it naturally, without conscious thought.
This has to do with the way the brain processes behavior. Just as we can reach our destination along a familiar route without consulting a map or consciously searching for the way, repeated behavior gradually requires less involvement from the frontal lobe, which is responsible for decision-making. Instead, the basal ganglia1 become more active, and the brain reorganizes its system so that the behavior can be carried out automatically. This enables the brain to conserve energy and simplify decision-making.
1. A group of nerve cells located at the base of the forebrain, associated with habit formation, motor control, and other functions.
The same principle applies to emotions. When a particular mood or feeling becomes familiar and settles deeply in the brain, the brain begins to find stability in that emotional state. A psychiatrist explained, “This is why someone who has always lived with anxiety and tension may find it difficult to adjust to peace, and why a person accustomed to living alone may struggle to live with someone else.” The psychiatrist also advised that, in order to break free from negative emotional habits, we must deliberately practice positive thoughts and emotions in the same situations, thereby developing new emotional habits.
God, who loved humanity to the very end, atoned for our sins through His sacrifice and gave us the new commandment to love one another. Yet practicing perfect love regardless of another person’s response or our own circumstances is not easy. Because our sinful nature still remains within us, we are inclined to choose the ways that are more deeply ingrained and familiar. To practice the love given through the new commandment, we must steadily cast off the habitual ways of our old self and strive to become a new person.
The Teachings of Mother provide specific guidance for the efforts we should make: seeing others in a beautiful light, yielding what is good to others, humbling ourselves, always giving thanks, offering praise, making sacrifices, serving others, and being patient. At first, these practices may feel awkward, like wearing clothes that do not quite fit. Yet as we put them into practice each day, the habit of loving gradually becomes ingrained in both our hearts and our actions. When love has taken deep root within a person, that person interprets the responses of others positively, leaving no room for the spark of misunderstanding to arise. Even when conflict occurs, such a person has the strength to resolve it peacefully.
Let us strive to establish the habit of love firmly within us—until we are left with no regret over the love we failed to show, until the habit of loving becomes genuine love, and until that love guides both ourselves and others toward the kingdom of heaven.
