There is no one who hates hearing words of recognition and acknowledgment for their talents and styles. We feel good when we are spoken well of by others even in trivial things. It is because our “esteem needs”—the desire to be recognized and respected by others—are satisfied.
It’s not too much to say that “respect” is an essential virtue for good interpersonal relationships. It has been considered as a basic human need and a virtue as well. These days, the word “respect,” which is nothing new to us, is on everybody’s lips. It’s because there is an increasingly loud call for self-examination and lamentation about the present situation where the culture of mutual respect is disappearing.
An age when respect is needed
Recently, a female university student said harsh words to a street cleaner who was about her mother’s age. It was spread on the Internet and became a hot topic of conversation. Soon after, a middle aged woman who was cleaning a building was verbally abused and even assaulted by a young lady, which incurred the wrath of the public. These two incidents went viral on the media, accompanied by a bad term “immoral.” There were also some similar cases around the country, which made people frown.
These days, it is common to see people behave rudely in public places without any consideration for others. On the Internet, excessive personal attacks and human rights violations are being made by some thoughtless netizens behind a veil of anonymity. It is a common opinion that all the incidents occurred as a result of the absence of respect.
The absence of respect sometimes leads to the breakdown of a family. A divorce lawyer said, “Each couple has their own story, but when we look into them, we come to know that in most cases, the main reason why they decide to divorce is because they feel that they are not respected by their spouse.” The hardest time for office workers is also when they feel that they are not respected by their company or colleagues.
It is the same for students. A Spanish university research team conducted an experiment with students aged 11 to 16, and discovered something unexpected: The reason why teenagers get involved in school violence is because of their self-esteem needs. According to the research, the children who feel that they are not respected by their friends make someone a victim or sacrifice and cause trouble like violence and bullying, in order to be recognized by their friends.
There has to be “respect” for harmonious relationships in any organization. As respect is disappearing, people’s esteem needs become stronger and stronger.
The power of respect
There is a special code of conduct at North County High School in Glen Burnie, Maryland. The school developed what’s called the “Knight’s Code,” a “respect program” named for the school mascot. When Adam Sheinhorn was appointed as the new assistant principal at North County High, he saw that things had gotten out of hand and the school was occasionally put on lockdown because of violent outbreaks between students. Then Sheinhorn brought the Power of Respect to the school. He intensively elucidated to teachers, students and parents the Code of Conduct: “We respect ourselves, others, learning and property. We discuss respecting others, not judging someone or putting pressure on someone to do something,” and encouraged them to put respect into practice.
After that, the school has completely changed. The teachers stimulated their students by complimenting them rather than pointing out their faults, and the students also started to promote their relationship by greeting each other sincerely and having heart-to-heart talks. As the students learned how to respect themselves as well as others, they started to actively participate in school activities. The results were evident across the board. North County used to expel about fifty-six kids every year. Today, the figure is a fraction of that. Teachers used to come and go like a revolving door. Now no one leaves their teaching position because of an unsavory incident.
Fujio Mitarai, Canon Inc. Chairman and CEO, who has achieved a new legend of success in the office equipment industry after starting a camera company, also bases his management style on respect. In the process of shutting down unprofitable businesses and reorganizing his company, he did not lay off workers like most other company operators did. Rather, he respected his employees’ opinions and created a better work environment where each of them was able to perform to the best of their ability. It boosted employee morale and loyalty, and became a driving force to overcome the crisis. While most of the big enterprises were struggling against the long recession, Canon was able to sustain its economic growth.
Most people have a tendency to try to meet someone’s expectations. So, if they are respected by others, they come to have a strong sense of personal motivation. When the culture of respect has a place within an organization, the effect is great beyond our imagination. The children who are respected in their homes learn to respect their friends and neighbors. The workers who are respected by their company and colleagues come to respect their customers. The teachers who are respected by their students and their parents respect the students, and the students who are respected put respect into practice among themselves. This virtuous circle of respect brings forth tremendous power.
The meaning of respect
“Smile at others first if you want them to smile at you. Show concern for others first if you want to attract interest from them. People treat you the way you treat them.”
As Winston Churchill, a British statesman, said, people respect others as much as they are respected by them.
Respect is an attitude of caring about people and treating them with dignity. The term “respect” comes from the Latin word respectus, which means “regard.” This is a compound verb formed from the prefix re- ‘back’ and specere ‘look.’ In short, respect is an “act of looking back at one.”
If we look back carefully at others, we come to understand their situations and circumstances which we may have thoughtlessly overlooked. Then we can approach them by acknowledging the difference between them and us. This is a starting point for respect.
Those who maintain a good relationship with people around them have one thing in common—they all have an attitude of respect for others. There are many different ways for them to put respect into practice: speaking gentle words, greeting politely, smiling warmly with a welcoming gaze . . . They know very well that they can express respect to others in any way whatsoever, though it is not big or great.
The closer we get to someone, the better we need to treat the person with respect; we need to try to acknowledge and respect their tastes or preferences that are different from ours. However, it is not always easy to do so. One of the reasons is because of our ‘misunderstanding.’
‘He probably knows what’s on my mind although I don’t tell it to him.’
This kind of misunderstanding or illusion occurs more often in close relationships. It prevents us from expressing respect to people close to us even when it is urgently necessary, with the excuse of embarrassment, or sometimes it makes us totally unconscious of it. Because of this, they may feel ignored and have ill feelings toward us, and sometimes it snowballs and even ruins the relationship. So it is good to express respect for others as positively as possible. The power of respect is manifested when it is expressed.
“Make my joy complete by respecting one another”
We are the people who have already received the greatest respect from God. For us, sinners, who were destined to suffer eternal punishment because of the sins we had committed in heaven, God came down to this earth and gave His whole self, even to the point of death, in order to make us the most valuable beings in the world.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Php 2:3–8
Giving love, sacrifice, consideration, serving, and humility—all these are the virtues that compose the culture of respect, which God personally showed us. Now is the time for us to cultivate and proclaim the culture of respect. In the process of accomplishing this mission, we can receive the blessing of being always respected by God.
“. . . Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.” 1 Sa 2:30
He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing . . . Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 1 Th 5:10–13
Above all else, let us give our whole heart to God, and then care for the people around us and treat them with humility and respect, so that the power of respect can be revealed to the whole world. Let us walk the gospel path given to us, truly respecting God who respects us and respecting the world as well.