If a kind and gentle person suddenly treats you coldly, you feel sad, but if a cold person suddenly treats you gently, you appreciate it. That is because of the expectation you have toward the other person.
Everyone has some expectation about others’ actions. If they violate this positively, your favorable impression grows. But if they break it negatively, your favorable impression drops. In psychology, this phenomenon is called Expectancy Violation Effect.
A different expression of expectancy can be called a “frame of thought.” The problem is that if you create a frame of thought, it is easy to give negative evaluation on the other party. The bigger expectancy becomes, the bigger disappointment gets, but if you lower your expectations too much, you may end up looking down on the other person.
The person who is usually kind cannot be always kind. And a blunt person is not always blunt. The way to get rid of the frame of your thought is to recognize the other party as he is and understand him.