Happy Play for Both Parents and Child

Dr. Garry L. Landreth, a master of play therapy and neuroscientist, said: “Birds fly, fish swim, and children play.” For growing children, play is their everyday life and everything. The reason they do not stay still even for a moment but move constantly is because they want to play.

However, experts say that children’s happiness depends on who they play with rather than what they do. In 2014, according to a study by the Korea Institute of Child Care and Education, Korean children pointed out their parents most when asked, “Who was with you at the happiest moment?” Parents were also at the top for the question who they want to play with. Thus, playtime with parents is more valuable than any other activities to children.

All parents want their children to grow up uprightly. For this, the first button of parenting called play should be fastened well. But many parents do not know how to play with their children. Some of them give a smart phone to attract the child’s attention, or do their work right beside the child. Let us look into play, a starting point for raising children and an important part of parenting.

Children grow while playing

Play is important because it affects all aspects of child development. Children play, walk, run, roll, touch and handle objects. In this process, muscles and senses are evenly stimulated and the body grows in balance.

Play also helps emotional maturity, relieving their latent stress and aggression. Unlike adults, children are not accustomed to negative emotions such as depression and anger, and they are poor at speaking out their anxiety and tension. So they express their feelings to their hearts’ content while beating something or playing until they are out of breath.

Furthermore, their cognitive, linguistic, and social development follow while they are playing. Children develop thinking skills by encountering new environments and objects through play. Role-play, in particular, helps children learn language, social behavior, and consideration of the situations and roles.

This way, children constantly learn new things while playing. However, when playing alone, watching TV, or playing with a smart phone, they cannot communicate with others at all. This unilateral audio-visual play stimulates the occipital lobe, which processes visual information, but does not help the development of the frontal lobe, which governs thought and character.

Play requires interaction with parents. Remember, play that helps children grow uprightly should be based on affection and care.

Playing for child vs. playing with child

Adults often regard spending time with children as playing for them. Strictly speaking, “playing for them” and “playing with them” are different. When parents play for their child, they lead the play. On the other hand, when parents play with the child, they participate in the play led by the child.

When participating, the parents should be sincere and active by suggesting or asking the child how to play. When the parents and child enjoy the play, they can have positive communication and affinity.

In order to have fun playing with children and focus on playing, parents need to be empathetic. The method is simple. It is lowering to the level of the child and listening carefully. When parents interact with their child and play together, the child can concentrate on the play comfortably as if playing with his peers.

Trying to teach something while playing prevents having empathy. If parents keep asking during play, “What is this?” or “Repeat after me. This is an elephant. Elephant!” the child feels burdened, and parents too find it hard to focus on the play, just thinking about the educational outcome they expect.

When playing, don’t try to teach the child, but give him a chance to do it himself. If you constantly control your child’s behavior while his sense of independence is growing, the child can be greatly discouraged. Sometimes, if the child is distracted or stubborn in action, tell him the rules of play rather than saying “no” or “don’t.”

While playing, a child may be irritated or crying with trivial things such as collapse of blocks he was building. It’s because the blocks were everything to the child at that moment. In that situation, understand and soothe the child. If you just push the child not to cry, the child comes to lose his self-esteem and confidence.

When playing, understand child’s feelings first, do together what he wants to do, and respond well to his words and actions. Parents’ warm care and encouragement give the child strength and courage to try again.

Playing with child is not difficult

Experts say that things that can enable kids to exercise their imagination are more proper to play with than toys that are made complete. Susan Linn, an instructor at Harvard Medical School, said more and more children are getting less creative because they spend less time in play and thoroughly commercialized toys take away their creativity. She emphasized that creativity develops only when children play properly.

In fact, everything can be a toy for children. A branch on the roadside can be used as a magic wand; even a large courier box or a milk carton can be a wonderful toy if an idea is added. If there is no toy for play, you can use your body; piggyback, dancing with your child on your feet, and lifting the child with your feet. Beside these, there is much more. Household chores, such as doing laundry and arranging toys, can also be play.

It would be good for parents to participate in play naturally by showing their actions, rather than directly recommending their child to play something. For example, to play block building, you can start building blocks before the child, without saying, “Let’s play blocks!” When parents are doing something, the child becomes curious and comes near. If you just ask, “You want to join?” then the block building play begins.

After the play, compliment the child on what he was good at, and help him think about the play, saying, “Do you like it?” or “How can we play better next time?” Right after the play, you’d better clean the room together. It is a way to regard cleaning as part of fun, not tiresome work.

The joy that your child feels while playing is not necessarily proportional to time. Even for five minutes every evening, have time to play with your child.

Diana Loomans, an American specialist in children’s problems, sang in her poem, “If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again.”

If I had my child to raise over again: I would care to know less and know to care more / I’d take more hikes and fly more kites / I’d stop playing serious and seriously play / I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

Time flows fast, and children come to seek their friends more than their parents as they grow a little more. Just like Lumans, the day to reminisce about the past, “If I had my child to raise over again,” will come in no time.

Play is an opportunity for both parents and children to grow, and a gift that presents happy memories. Parental love conveyed through play makes the child grow to be someone who can give love to someone else, and the child’s memories about interacting with parents remain in his brain and heart for a long time, which becomes nourishment in his life.