I Eagerly Desired

Kim Jong-su from Seongnam, Korea

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Two years ago, I went to the hospital because my ankle was hurting. The doctor told me that my joint was worn out severely, and so I scheduled a surgery.

I wanted to be quickly in full recovery through the surgery, but as the surgery day was approaching, I felt scared. I kept imagining the surgery scene, and even thought about canceling it.

On the day of surgery, I headed to the operating room, lying on the bed as if I was waiting for death. Probably because I was so scared, the operating room looked cold and even the doctors’ white gowns seemed cold. I prayed eagerly.

As soon as they gave me anesthesia, I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up, my ankle already had a bandage around it. I gave thanks to God when the doctor told me that the operation went well.

In the evening, as anesthesia wore off, I felt a great pain. They inserted three iron pins where the joint was removed, and those spots hurt so much; it was an inexpressible pain that I had never felt before. The nurse gave me a painkiller, but it didn’t do much. It felt as if someone kept poking my ankle with a spear.

While mourning because of unendurable pain, I remembered how God got crucified for us 2,000 years ago. His hands and feet were pierced by the nails, and He was hung on the cross for hours. I couldn’t bear to think how painful it must’ve been for Him. And suddenly, God’s word that is too much for me to accept with my heart crossed my mind.

“I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” Lk 22:15

For the forgiveness of sins of mankind, God established the Passover of the new covenant by shedding His precious blood on the cross, and put the promise of eternal life in the covenant. Although Father already knew the pain that He would suffer, He eagerly wanted to eat the Passover with His disciples.

Just imagining the surgery scene, I felt scared and thought about canceling the surgery. However, Father thought of us who would receive the forgiveness of sins and enter eternal life through the Passover more than His own pain and suffering. Since He is truly our Father, He willingly walked the thorny path with the joy of giving life to His children.

Realizing that Father’s boundless love to save His children is contained in His words, “I eagerly desired,” I was so thankful and tears rolled down my face. How valuable and great our salvation is, which is given through the Passover!

God eagerly desired us to receive eternal life even though extreme pain was waiting for Him. I will not hesitate to preach the message of life, no matter what difficulty may befall me; because it is the way to carry out Father’s last will that was left through the New Covenant Passover, “Love one another as I have loved you.

I eagerly desire to follow God wherever He goes.