What Will You Pass Down?

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Looks, intelligence, body constitution . . . children resemble their father and mother because they inherit biological genes, DNA, from their parents. When people see a child look just like his parents, they say that he is the miniature or spitting image of his parents.

All parents want to pass down good things to their children. A pregnant woman listens to good music, enjoys hobbies that give emotional stability, and tries to eat only good foods in order to give good things to the child through prenatal education. However, what influences the child more than the innate DNA is acquired factors.

Whether a child is aware or not, he follows his parents’ set of values, self-esteem, language, diet, filial duty, and even happiness. Not only good habits but also bad habits are passed down. When a child makes trouble or does something that just doesn’t make sense, the parents sometimes want to deny that their child resembles them. However, more times they see how their child talks and acts just the way they do, and feel a prick of conscience.

If you want your child to inherit good things from you and wisely overcome all the difficulties they will face with a positive and correct set of values, the parents need to try to pass down such energy. A man reaps what he sows. This principle of nature applies to raising children, too.

Great family customs, the best legacy

Most people often think of materialistic inheritance when it comes to legacy. Many parents want to leave as much property as possible to their child, because they want them to live a wealthier life. What is important is that you need to think whether it will end up bringing happiness to your child or becoming a seed of unhappiness for them. “Since I had a lot of money, there was nothing to ask for. Inherited wealth is a real handicap to happiness,” said William Kissam Vanderbilt, born in the third generation of the Vanderbilt family who led the U.S. railroad industry.

Both in the past and now, there are many cases where the materialistic legacy rather brings harm to a child. Learning from those examples, some wise men of wealth announced that they will return most of their property to society and pass down only a small amount to their children. Whatever you pass down to your child, what needs to be done first is to help them strengthen their wisdom and ability so that your child can handle it properly. Even if you pass down gold, silver, and treasure to your child, if it is not supported by correct education for them, it is nothing but a chunk of stone.

What is the most essential for efficient child education is healthy family customs. It is because family customs have a profound influence on the education of children.

When the lifestyle the parents show their children directly or indirectly continues, it becomes family customs. In a home where healthy family customs have been formed, not only does the creativity of the child grow strong, but the sense of empathy among the family also strengthens and helps the family overcome conflicts and crisis wisely. If the parents make good family customs with their children with some rules, any family can become a great family. This is the best legacy you can give to your child.

People born by great family customs

During the Joseon Dynasty of Korea, when the housework was considered as the only thing women could do, Shin Saimdang left her name in history as a great artist, overcoming the limits of the times. Shin Saimdang was able to live her life independently thanks to her family customs that acknowledged her talent. When she was little, her grandfather who noticed that she had artistic talent taught her how to write and draw with an open mind that women can learn, too. Her father also encouraged her, showing her all the good paintings he borrowed from his acquaintances. Shin Saimdang, who received generous love and support from her family thanks to her family customs that were pretty rare back then, raised her children to be great people, too.

The Curie family left a record of winning the Nobel Prize three times over two generations and producing scientists for four consecutive generations. Mrs. Curie won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1903 with her husband, Pierre Curie; and in 1911 she alone received the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. The enthusiasm and effort of the Curie couple was passed down, and in 1935 their oldest daughter Irène who was influenced by her parents too won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry with her husband. Irène’s daughter Hélène and son Pierre were scientists, and Hélène’s son also became a scientist. Behind the Curie family’s ability to make a brilliant achievement, the family customs had a greater influence than the genetic factor. It is no exaggeration to say that this was the result of Mrs. Curie’s pure enthusiasm to contribute to humanity, not clinging to fame or achievements, and her pure goal to do scientific research, and her family members’ help based on their love for each other.

Bill Gates, who founded Microsoft Corporation at age nineteen and became the richest man in the world at age thirty-nine, is actively engaged in charity work around the world to return 99% of his property to society. His parents had a great influence on his noblesse oblige (moral obligation corresponding to high social status). His father, who was a lawyer, and his mother, who served on the board of directors of a nonprofit organization, taught the young Bill Gates that he needs to help others and be considerate of them although they were a wealthy family, and talked about donations when they gave him allowance. “If you are given everything while growing up, you cannot have strong will to try new things.” This teaching of his father influenced Bill Gates, who also announced that he would let his children inherit the minimum amount of money so that they can pioneer their own lives.

Family customs make the family become one and have pride with invisible mental power. There are usually great family customs behind a great man.

Creating a happy family culture

In this busy age when a day, a week, and a month passes by in the twinkling of an eye, it’s hard to find time to communicate with the family members, or feel the intimate love of the family. The gap grows bigger and bigger as children grow up. Many families spend their precious time just watching TV. Since this is reality, a family culture that is constant and distinct is more needed.

Creating a family culture starts as the husband and wife, who play the key role in the family, start thinking about how to make an ideal family. It is not easy for a couple who grew up in different family cultures under the parents with different personalities, different sibling relationships, different family rules, etc. to create a new culture. However, a wise couple should develop good things from the families of origin and throw away what needs to be thrown away from them instead of insisting on the family culture they grew up in, saying, “This is how my family handled it.”

A family culture doesn’t need to be something fancy. Having a weekly family meeting, having a Sunday dinner together, exercising together, cooking, writing a diary, doing voluntary work, or having a conversation before going to bed, and so on, may look trivial but they can create a family culture. Etiquette such as greeting first, waiting to start eating together, saying hi and bye when a family member comes home or leaves can be a valuable culture.

Even the great families that are often introduced on mass media don’t have some special or outstanding family cultures. The parents show an example of reading first instead of telling the children to study, and they challenge themselves to try new things although they are aged, and they give ear to their children.

The key is that the parents show good habits persistently and consistently with convictions. Family customs are not created overnight. The enthusiastic efforts of the couple encourage the children’s participation, and when it is accumulated, it becomes a family culture and family customs.

Tangible property can be squandered, but intangible inheritance can never be lost. Food, shelter, and clothing are not the only things that matter; we should also seriously think about intangible property. What kind of family customs do you want to pass down to your children? The children’s life will change 180 degrees, depending on what their parents pass down to them.