January 27, 2020

Mom’s Half Memory

Park Su-bin from Seoul, Korea


I have an unforgettable memory.

One night when I was in elementary school, I had sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I just thought it was due to indigestion, but my mom noticed that something was wrong with me, and she took me to the emergency room. As she had expected, the result was not good. They said my appendix had become so swollen that it was on the verge of rupture, which could lead to peritonitis if I arrived a few days later. I changed into a patient gown and lay down on the operating table. Everything happened so suddenly.

After the surgery, I started groaning as the anesthetic wore off. My groan turned into a scream. The doctor asked me to keep quiet because there were other patients in the room, but it was useless. I was screaming so loud that my dad and my younger brother heard my scream from outside the room and were afraid to come in. My mom tried to calm me down who was such a crybaby, but I continued to be stubborn. I even blamed my mom for bringing me to the hospital and making me suffer pain.

Of course it wasn’t my mom’s fault that I was in pain. She noticed the seriousness of my condition first and took me to the hospital and anxiously waited for the surgery to be over, even until late at night. But I just kept complaining to my mom for no reason, instead of saying thank you to her. I am still ashamed of myself when I think about what I did at that time.

I screamed and made a fuss until I was given a painkiller to calm me down. My struggle with the pain ended, but for a few days I couldn’t even get up on my own, to say nothing of moving around. My mom always stayed by my side to check the IV drip rate and gave me a bath as well. She took great care of me. She must have been very tired physically and mentally while looking after her daughter and doing the house chores as well, but she never showed any sign of fatigue, not even once, until I was discharged from the hospital.

One day, I became so curious that I asked my mom,

“Mom, do you remember when I screamed so much after the appendectomy?”

My mom said she didn’t remember it.

“Then what was the hardest moment for you at that time?”

“Of course, it was when you were in the operating room. It took between 40 minutes and an hour . . .”

“Wasn’t it boring?”

“Do you ask me if I was bored? I prayed to God to bring you safely through the surgery.”

My mom might have just pretended not to remember it. However, if she really forgot it, it is amazing. I made such a fuss, screaming and crying, which woke everybody up in the room, but she didn’t remember it at all.

It reminded me of Heavenly Mother. She came to this earth to save me who was destined to die because of the sin I had committed in heaven. However, I only thought about my pain and complained whenever I faced a hardship, instead of giving thanks to Mother. Although She hears hurting words from us, Her immature children, She never expresses Her heartbrokenness, but just comforts and embraces us with the warmth of Her love and shows great care and concern for us.

Taking a lesson from my immature behavior in my childhood, I will remove all my complaints and always give thanks to Heavenly Mother from now on. Although an unexpected hardship may come my way, I will regard it as something I have to undergo to keep my soul alive.

Mother wishes for the safety of Her children rather than Her comfort. I am truly happy because I always receive such great love of Mother.