Saying, “Good Job,” Makes the Whole Family Happy

“Honey / Yes? / Did you see the chick that was in the backyard? / Yes, I did. / Where is it? / I ate it for this weak and old body. / Good job! Good job! Good job! Good job! I’m proud of you!”

This is a part of an old Korean song called “Good job! Good job!” When viewed objectively, what the husband did was not a good job at all. They could’ve raised the chick and sold it when it grew up. However, he ate it without even asking his wife for her opinion. Even if the wife had become mad in that situation, he would not have had anything to say. Nevertheless, the wife complimented her husband, saying that he did a good job.

This song is famous among people probably because it looks good how the wife compliments her husband despite his immature behavior. If everybody in the world were like this, no one would have to quarrel. Just as we can see in this conversation of the harmonious couple, compliments drive away arguments and bring harmony.

As the book, Whale Done!, explains, a compliment is a powerful tool that enables people to communicate even with animals. Then how much more must a compliment move people’s hearts and build up good relationship? However, many people are stingy with complimenting their family members though they don’t hesitate to flatter other people. They point out their family members’ errors rather than compliment them because they feel awkward or don’t feel the need to look good to their family members.

A compliment makes people happy and joyful. So, there is no reason to be stingy with complimenting. Instead of pointing out their errors, let’s boost the morale of our family members by complimenting them, saying, “Good job!”

What is compliment?

1. Everybody likes to be complimented

Even children, who are lacking in reasoning, make efforts to be complimented more if they are complimented once. A research shows that the students who are complimented often by their teachers have a lot better grades than the students who are not. It applies to adults, not only to children. It is said that what employees want to hear most is “Good job. Well done!” We can see how much people thirst for compliments. Even plants which cannot talk or hear grow well when they are complimented. Animals, too, do tricks when they are complimented. So, it is natural that compliments have a greater effect on humans who are emotional beings.

2. Compliment is trust

Gloria Beck says in her book, Compliments, that the best compliment that parents can give to their children is to trust them. When a child asks his mom, “If you are not here, who is going to wake me up?” if the mom says, “I believe you can do it by yourself,” then the child will gain confidence. When someone trusts us, we feel that there is someone who understands and acknowledges us. Then we are filled with will to do something, and also feel like working harder to live up to expectations of the person who complimented us. Sometimes, we can even unleash our latent ability and accomplish what we thought was impossible before.

3. Compliment is a positive mind

Compliments have a good influence on people who give them, not only on those who receive them. When you give a compliment, you can have a positive set of values, and you can also become more understanding. Writer Bob Conklin introduced the way of thinking, which helps you like someone whom you don’t like, as follows: If someone insists on his own opinion too strongly, think he is a man of conviction instead of thinking he is stubborn; and if someone doesn’t like spending money, think that he is a saver instead of thinking he is a penny pincher. If you change your way of thinking like this, you can compliment even people you don’t like, and you can also have a positive mind. If you only look at someone’s faults, you cannot compliment them. When you have a mind to compliment someone, you can find something to compliment on. Just as no one is perfect in this world, no one has no merits.

4. Compliment is concern

You can compliment someone even though he didn’t do anything great specifically. For example, when a wife changes her hairstyle, if his husband says, “Wow, you’ve changed your hairstyle. It looks good!” then the wife will feel better. However, even if the wife’s hairstyle or attire changed, if no one in her family notices it or shows any reaction, she will be sad, thinking they are indifferent to her. Pay more attention to your family members and express your thoughts and feelings even about a small change.

5. Compliment is an echo

‘I am trying, but no one recognizes it. I’m not acknowledged at all.’ If someone thinks like this, he cannot fully show his capacity, or compliment others, being seized with victim mentality. Moreover, he who always boasts about himself, wanting to be complimented, makes others uncomfortable. Before complaining that no one compliments you, compliment others from the heart. Those who compliment others lavishly can receive much compliment.

People whose lives blossomed through compliments

All the successful people were influenced by the compliments from their family members. It is well known that Edison who was branded as a troublemaker at school was able to become the king of invention, who had more than 1,000 patents, thanks to his mother’s compliments. Einstein, the best genius of the 20th century, was treated as a hopeless boy with no potential at school, but he also became a great scientist thanks to the compliments and encouragement from his mother who always said to him, “You have a special ability no other kids have. How can you be successful if you are the same as the other kids?”

There was a man who stayed up all night in the shed to invent a new engine every day after work. Back then, a car was a symbol of wealth and power. However, his dream was to let many people buy cars at cheap prices and drive. Everybody laughed at him and said it was just a waste of time, but his wife trusted in him and supported him. In the end, he accomplished his dream. This is the story of Henry Ford the king of cars.

Sometimes, although your family members seem lacking and unsatisfying, if you compliment them and encourage them, they will gain great strength. What can give more strength than the family’s support? If you really want everything to go well with your family members, support them with a sincere heart and don’t forget to give proper compliments at the proper time.

How to compliment

1. Your actions must correspond to your compliments

If you have a stiff face or no facial expressions or your arms are crossed while you compliment someone, he will not feel he is being complimented, but rather, he may feel upset. When you compliment someone, your actions must correspond to your compliments. For example, you can show a bright smile, or give him a big hug, or show your thumbs up. Even if you don’t say anything, you can compliment someone through actions.

2. It is good to compliment immediately

Timing is important for complimenting. Just as a saying goes, “Strike while the iron is hot,” when someone does something deserving a compliment, it is good to compliment him right there and then. Let’s say a wife cooked something delicious. What if her husband doesn’t say anything while eating but a long time later he says, “The food you cooked last month was really delicious”? On the contrary, what if he says as soon as he takes a bite, “Wow, it’s delicious. You’re the best cook!”? Which one do you think is more effective?

3. Be more specific

Instead of giving a vague compliment like “You’re great,” “You’re a good boy,” it is more effective if you are more specific. For example, when your child draws something, instead of saying “That’s nice,” if you say, “That’s a nice picture with many different colors” or “I can see that you put many thoughts into that picture,” then your child will feel that you understand his mind and be happier.

4. Compliment the process

If you try to compliment only when there is a better result, it is hard to find what to compliment on, and you will only give pressure to the person. Even if someone didn’t get a result that he wanted, if you compliment him about his passion and efforts, saying, “You tried really hard! You have great patience” or “It’s okay because you did your best. I’m sure you will do better next time,” then he will get confidence and try harder.

5. Don’t exaggerate

A compliment on something untrue or an exaggerated compliment that can make someone feel arrogant is not a correct compliment. In addition, you have to be careful not to compliment a specific person only when they are many people there. If you are with all your three sons together and say a specific one is the best among them, the other two sons will feel down.

No one hates someone who compliments him. Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment,” and Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Just as grass needs warm sunlight to grow, man needs sunlight called compliment to grow healthy.” This is how important compliments are.

From today, open your eyes wide and try to find something to compliment your family members on. Complimenting well is something to be complimented. When you are complimented, don’t get arrogant or refuse the compliment because you feel shy, but share joy together with a humble mind. A family that exchanges compliments constantly is healthy and energetic.