To Empathize

Wanting to empathize with someone, I said:

• “Why don’t you try thinking a little more positively?”
• “I don’t think those thoughts are good for you, either.”
• “You should try harder.”
• “You should endure it. There’s nothing more that can be done anyway.”

Empathy begins when we pay attention to the other person’s heart, instead of offering advice or counsel as if we already know everything, making hasty judgments and evaluations based only on the situation, or giving quick solutions out of impatience because we want to solve the problem right away.

Empathy begins with words like these:

• “If you felt that way, there must have been a reason.”
• “You must have felt very frustrated. How are you feeling right now?”
• “How difficult must it have been for you?”
• “What led you to make that decision?”

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