Where I Need to Return

Oita Ai from Togyo, Japan


I was always sick while raising my three children, probably because I became exhausted physically and mentally. Many nights, I couldn’t sleep. I went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with the initial stage of depression.

I tried many things that the doctor suggested for treatment. I had time to learn new things, and met my friends and talked, eating delicious food together. However, it was still painful though I spent more time and money for taking lessons, eating, and traveling. The fun time was temporary and I soon got tired, and my mind was covered with darkness again.

Whenever I lay down on the bed at night and thought about the day, tears came out of my eyes for no reason. Sometimes, I said, “I want to go home,” even before I knew it.

One day, my oldest daughter heard me say that and asked me with a curious voice.

“Mom, you are home now. Are you talking about Grandma’s house?”

“I’m not talking about here or Grandma’s. I don’t know where, but I just want to go back home soon.”

That was the only thing I could say.

One day, I mumbled to myself, “Mother, help me,” holding back tears. I thought my oldest daughter was sleeping but she wasn’t.

“Mom, are you talking about Grandma?” she asked.


“Then whom are you talking about?”

“I don’t really know. I just feel calm when I look up at the sky and say, ‘Mother, help me.’ ”

I meant it. Whenever I looked up to the night sky and called mother, I felt so much calmer.

A few months later, I had a moment that I would never forget; I found Mother whom I had been calling so much.

Around that time, I was still repeating falling asleep with tears. I went out for a walk for a change and unconsciously looked up to the sky while passing an intersection near my house. Then I saw a sign that read “Church of God.” I thought I knew everything about my neighborhood because I walked all the time, but I never knew there was the Church of God. It even felt mystical. Before I knew it, I was already walking towards the church.

The people of the church welcomed me, who visited them with no appointment, as if I were a family member whom they hadn’t seen for a while.

Then I started going to church and learning the words of the Bible one by one. I learned where the home I’d wanted to go to is, and who Mother whom I had been calling is. What I had thought vaguely was never meaningless, and what I had said to myself was not things that came out of nowhere. I could feel that Heavenly Mother had been guiding me because She eagerly wanted to go to the heavenly home with Her children.

My life has been filled with happiness. I no longer go to sleep crying and saying, “I want to go back home. Help me please.” I feel so happy to go to church with my three children to keep worship services and study God’s word every Sabbath day. I am trying to put into practice the good words of God; I am happy whenever I do that. As I am making an effort to stop saying negative things and my children too are trying to change the way they talk, our home is being filled with laughter.

My husband, relatives, and friends had been worried about me who had always been talking about my problems, but now they are surprised to see how bright and confident I have become. They too are interested in God whom I have met, and want to know about God.

Before knowing God, I didn’t know anything and just tried to grab something that I couldn’t grab in darkness. Mother has been patient with me for a long time that I can come to the light at last.

Now that I have found the place I can go back, I have other wishes: I pray God will protect me so that I won’t leave Mother until I return to our heavenly home, and that God will help with my mission to preach. I am praying for these two things every day. In order for my wishes to be granted, I study the Bible, keep God’s regulations, and try to do everything according to God’s words. I believe that it is all God’s blessings to save my soul. I wholeheartedly give thanks to our everlasting Mother for the blessings She gives me.