A Person Who Forgives
In Aesop’s fable “The Fox and the Stork,” the stork invited the fox to a meal and served the food in a narrow-necked jar, repaying the fox for having served the stork food on a flat plate. Just as the stork had previously been unable to eat, the fox could only gaze at the food and lick its lips. Although the story teaches the importance of considering another person’s circumstances, it is sometimes portrayed as a satisfying tale of revenge in which one repays another in kind.
It may seem gratifying to make others suffer as much as they have made us suffer, but anger and hostility take a toll on our health. A racing pulse and rapid breathing when we become angry are stress responses triggered when negative emotions stimulate the brain. As stress hormones affect the autonomic nervous system and accelerate the heartbeat, the body increases blood flow to the heart and brain in an effort to escape the perceived emergency. The muscles remain tense, while the immune system is suppressed. As a result, the risk of heart disease and other illnesses increases.
By contrast, when we calm our anger and choose to forgive, the body returns to a more stable state. Positive thoughts reduce the release of stress hormones and help the body relax. The immune system recovers, blood pressure returns to normal, and headaches and anxiety subside. A peaceful state of mind also improves concentration and restores energy.
In this way, forgiving others ultimately benefits the one who forgives. According to research conducted by the Department of Psychology at the University of Pittsburgh in the United States, people who wrote letters of forgiveness to those who had deeply hurt them experienced less self-blame than those who wrote letters of revenge. Another study found that people who had forgiven others rated their own warmth, morality, and other positive qualities more highly. These findings show that forgiveness plays an important role in restoring one’s sense of self.
Inflicting the same amount of pain we have received does not make our own pain disappear. When we repeatedly dwell on what happened, resent the other person, or continue searching for evidence of their wrongdoing, we can sink into an emotional abyss from which it is difficult to escape. In this sense, forgiveness is a way to recover the self we lost while consumed by hatred and to see both the situation and the other person clearly. Those who genuinely forgive can lay down the pain that has accumulated in their hearts, break free from the past that tormented them, and move forward toward tomorrow.
Just before his martyrdom, Stephen prayed for those who were stoning him. Even in the face of an unjust death, he did not resent them but forgave them. In doing so, he resembled Christ, who did not immediately punish those who opposed Him but prayed amid the suffering of the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Stephen, too, must have been able to live a life of forgiveness because he understood the depth of the grace and love through which Christ forgave our sins with His precious blood.
Jesus told the parable of a servant whose debt of ten thousand talents was forgiven, yet who harshly demanded payment from a fellow servant who owed him one hundred denarii, thereby provoking his master’s anger. Through this parable, Jesus taught us to forgive our brothers and sisters sincerely, even when they sin against us. We have received the immeasurable grace of redemption from God and have even been promised the glory of the kingdom of heaven. When we sincerely repent of the sins by which we caused God far greater pain, there is no reason for us not to forgive someone who has caused us a much smaller wound. When we view that person with the heart of Christ, there is no reason to hate them. Let us remember: We are the ones whose debt of ten thousand talents has been forgiven.
