Family Trusts Each Other

Someone lost his life after drinking what someone else handed him; people remit a large amount of money, deceived at a call that pretends to be a public agency. As fraud and tricks prevail in our communities, the expression, “a good neighbor,” is put to shame today. People distrust even their neighbors and lock their doors securely without knowing who is living next door. Since they can’t trust each other, they even raise their guard against a small favor of others and become suspicious of them first, and so 24-hour running CCTVs are installed everywhere.

Thus, people do not trust one another, and family members are no exception. For example, some people place GPS tracking devices on their spouses’ cars, and some even write up contracts on filial duty although it is something they must do. According to a survey conducted by a market research company in November 2017 on family relationship of 1,000 people from 12 to 58 years old nationwide, only 66.9% of the respondents believed that their families would be on their side without conditions no matter what fault they would make.

“If the king and his servant do not trust each other, the kingdom becomes unstable; if the father and the son do not trust each other, the family cannot live in harmony; if there is no trust between brothers, they cannot become friendly; if there is no trust between friends, they drift apart.”

As written in an old Oriental educational book, if you do not trust each other, you cannot keep a good relationship. The foundation of human relationships is trust. Trust among family members is especially important. When there is trust in the family, the gate of conversations is opened, and through heartfelt conversations, you will enjoy happiness and satisfaction.

A home is built on trust

“You didn’t do your homework again, did you? Do you think I can’t notice it?” “Phew, it’s my fault that I trusted you,” “Do you obey only when I nag you?” or “You’ve cried wolf too many times.”

The family who does not trust each other has constant dissonance. Careless words such as sarcastic words, doubtful words, commands and coercion, and reproofs will make the listener feel offended, and the family cannot form a bond in such conversations.

It is difficult for married couples to keep love for long if they lose trust, because their relationship is built on love and trust. If they are confident that they trust each other, even if their spouse has something unsatisfying, it can’t be a big problem; but if they don’t trust each other, it is difficult to resolve even small conflicts.

Parents’ trust has a great influence on their children. A child who has been encouraged and trusted by his parents has high self-esteem and learns how to cope with new situations, based on his experience. However, a child with little experience of winning parents’ trust not only has low self-esteem, but also fails to express his feelings frankly and lies, making excuses even for a trivial thing. The thought that he was not loved by his parents leads him to have a rebellious spirit, and he might go against whatever his parents want him to do.

If your child or spouse is reluctant to talk or does not have good conversations with your family, you should restore trust among you first. If you trust each other—between husband and wife or between parents and children, your family can have a heart-to-heart talk and easily grant any favor even when they are asked suddenly. Trust is a tremendous resource that allows the family to work together in unity when they face unexpected hardship.

If you trust a person, he becomes reliable

American psychologist Robert Rosenthal gave an IQ test to all students of an elementary school and said to the teacher in charge, handing a list of some students, “These students’ IQ is exceptionally high that they have great potential for development.” After eight months, the students on the list actually had a remarkably improved academic performance, compared with the other students. In fact, the list given to the teacher was randomly chosen, regardless of IQ. The teacher’s belief that the students on the list were likely to develop had a positive effect on the students.

In 1954, a large-scale survey on about 800 residents in the island of Kauai, one of the Hawaiian Islands, was conducted to see how family background and socio-economic factor have influence on a person’s growth. At that time, the island’s environment was very poor and the problem of alcoholics and juvenile delinquents was serious. Experts in each field surveyed and studied the life of research subjects from birth to adulthood. They classified 201 people in the poorest environment as a high-risk group and anticipated that they would grow to be social misfits.

However, their anticipation was wrong. Seventy-two out of the 201 people who belonged to the high-risk group have grown up without problems, and some even entered prestigious universities as scholarship holders. They had one thing in common: At least one adult trusted and loved them in any situation.

The person who has received trust and encouragement from someone else is highly resilient. Resilience refers to the ability to recover from adversity and trials. If there is anyone who believes in you, whether it is your family, teacher, or friend, you will try to live up to that belief.

Trust is the greatest power that can change the other person. A simple expression, “I trust you,” is better than a long nagging full of worry and anxiety. Once you trust a person though he’s clumsy and undependable, he will become a reliable person at least to you as you trusted him.

Meaning of trusting

If you trust someone, you will not only take his words as true but also acknowledge him as he is and support his potential. On the contrary, if you only want the other person to meet your expectations and standards, it is not a true trust. For example, you expected that your child’s grades would improve, seeing him study hard during the exam period, but he didn’t meet your expectation. In this case, if you are disappointed that you reprimand your child, do you think you really trusted your child? Maybe you have believed your expectations rather than trusting him.

If you trust a person, even if the person sometimes hurts you with words and actions, you will try to understand him, believing that there must be good intentions behind them. Let’s say, your child spilled water while pouring it into a glass in spite of your attempt to stop. You would be irritated, but your child might have had the intention of serving you. So, you need to figure out the hidden intention rather than just looking at the surface. That does not mean that even when your child harms others, you must say unconditionally, “My boy is not such a bad child.” Trusting is different from sheltering.

In fact, it is not easy to trust someone else entirely. In order to trust someone, it is necessary to put down a hasty mind and to persevere. Though you say that you trust him, if you are in a fidget and meddle in everything he does, he won’t think that you trust him. When he has done something worthy of praise, you are glad and compliment him. It is the same when he makes a mistake or fault. If you trust him, you should be able to wait with perseverance. The important thing is not your own belief that you trust him, but his sure feeling that he is getting your trust.

Family is the most important being that you should always trust and not betray your trust in to the end. A positive belief in the family is surely efficacious like the placebo effect, which enables some patients’ health to improve after taking what they believe is an effective drug but which is in fact only a placebo.

How happy it is to have your family’s infinite trust and to have someone on your side at any time! In order to keep this happiness, instead of just wanting your family to trust you unconditionally, you should be able to make them trust you. If you lie frequently, idle away your time, and show discordance between your words and actions, their trust in you will be shaken. When you make efforts not to disappoint your family who trusts you to the end, your family will have even more mutual trust.