Misunderstanding Is Bitter, and Understanding Is Sweet

In The Little Prince, a novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the fox says to the little prince, “You will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstanding,” and the fox continues to talk. This scene is very contradictory, but it shows that words are a very important means to communicate and understand each other’s thoughts.

Misunderstanding can be produced not only by words but also by actions. Many times, there can be a coincidence that two events happen at the same time and cause a misunderstanding. Even though one had no other intention, his action can look like he intended in others’ eyes. It is very unfair to be misunderstood, but such a thing happens all the time.

No one can deliver what’s in his mind to someone else 100%. And no one can know what’s in someone else’s mind 100%. Misunderstanding always happens even between family members who are supposed to know each other better than anyone else. To overcome misunderstanding is to understand. When you broaden the range of understanding and make the range of misunderstanding small, your communication will go well.

Causes of Misunderstanding

① Self-centered attitude

Ancient people believed that the earth was the center of the universe, and that all the other celestial bodies revolve around the earth. That’s why Galileo Galilei was tremendously persecuted because of his heliocentrism which is the opposite of geocentrism. His insistence was true, but people didn’t want to believe it. Like this, when you only insist on self-centered thoughts, you cannot have a correct viewpoint. When having a conversation, if you only talk about what you want to say, or accept the other person’s opinion only according to your own set of values, or only think about your side, you cannot understand the other person’s true intention and will misunderstand him.

② Assumption and hasty conclusion

Let’s say a boy, who was studying for school, turned on the computer to do some research for his study. Then while doing the research, he accidently went on a game website. Right at that moment, his mom walked into his room to give him some snacks and saw that he was on the game website. She scolded him harshly. Thinking that it was unfair, the boy explained the situation to his mom, but it sounded like an excuse.

A husband came home after work, but his wife did not welcome him, lying on the bed in the room. The husband was displeased with her attitude and even acted irritated. But later he came to know that his wife was utterly exhausted from washing the blankets and cleaning the house all day.

Like this, there can easily be a misunderstanding if you judge a situation from your point of view without knowing the situation correctly. It is the same when you guess or believe your assumption is true even before listening to the other person’s explanation.

③ Prejudice

There is a story: A man who lost his ax glanced suspiciously at every single act of his neighbor when he doubted that his neighbor had stolen his ax, but his neighbor didn’t look suspicious at all anymore as soon as he found his ax. When there is prejudice, misunderstanding and distrust start to pile up. You might have prejudice that you can’t communicate with your mom or dad, or that someone always doesn’t understand what people say, or that someone always nags you. However, if you do, please check yourselves to see if you have any problem before blaming someone else.

④ Lack of conversations

There is a comedy show that satirizes a family that doesn’t communicate well with each other. The father scolds his son, firing questions at him, “What are you up to these days? How come you leave early in the morning and come back late at night? What do you do outside all day?” Then the son simply replies, “At school.” The father didn’t even know his son was a high school senior who needs to study hard from early in the morning until late at night. Although family members love each other, there can be unnecessary misunderstandings if there is a lack of conversations, and there can be a situation where the true heart cannot be conveyed and each of them feels upset, saying that his family members don’t understand his mind.

How to Prevent Misunderstandings

① Talk objectively and be more specific

Let’s say an older brother who just got back from playing sports asked his younger brother for a cup of cold water. So the younger brother got a cup of cold water for him. But then the older brother said to him, “When I ask you for cold water, you should put some ice cubes in it, right?” Then the young brother might get upset. When the older brother asked his younger brother for a cup of water, if he had asked him for some ice cubes as well, his younger brother would have put some ice cubes in the water, too. In order to prevent misunderstandings, we need to be more specific when talking.

② Pay attention to others when they are talking

Most people tend to deliver their intentions or purposes rather than paying attention to what other people say. That’s why many times, people think of what they want to say while other people are talking to them. However, when you listen to others, you should give ear to them and try to understand what they are trying to say. You need to have an attitude to pay attention to others, and also to accept it with an open mind to understand the meaning of what they are saying.

③ Put yourself in the other person’s shoes

When a husband comes back from work and says he is tired, if his wife says, “Why do you always say you’re tired?” or when a wife says that she is tired, if her husband says, “Why are you so tired? You stay at home all day!” then they will only get angry at each other. Your husband or wife can be sick or worried about something. Why don’t you try to ask each other, “How is work these days? It’s tough, right?” or “Housework is not easy, and you also take care of our kids. You must be tired.” Then your husband or your wife will open his or her heart to you.

④ Try to understand others

Between adults and children, or between men and women, there are different ways of thinking and of expressing feelings. In a family, the difference in thinking between parents and children, a wife and a husband, a brother and a sister, can be an obstacle like a high wall. Instead of complaining that no one understands you, keep in mind that your family members have different ways of thinking though they are one family. It is reckless to try to change someone to your own standard. If you have a conversation, trying to understand the other person, you will be able to resolve misunderstandings.

⑤ Try not to do anything that can cause misunderstandings

There is a Korean saying that goes, “Do not fix your hat under a plum tree.” It means that you shouldn’t do anything that may make others doubt you; right at the time when you are simply raising your hand to fix your hat under the plum tree, the owner of the plum tree may see you and think that you are trying to steal his plums. If there is something about you that not only one person but many people misunderstand, instead of thinking it’s unfair, make efforts to fix it.

If you think that someone misunderstands you about something, you need to explain it calmly and resolve the misunderstanding. A little misunderstanding can become bigger and cause another misunderstanding. A misunderstanding can also be a chance to understand each other’s true heart. While trying to figure out why a misunderstanding was made, and how to resolve it, you can become closer to each other, and end up having more trust in each other.

When a quarrel begins due to a misunderstanding, you should come to an agreement by understanding at the end. You cannot understand someone unless you put yourself in that person’s shoes, and if you don’t understand them, you cannot love them. “Understand” is a compound word made up of two words “under” and “stand.” It means that you should be considerate of others rather than judge the situation from your own point of view.

Do not let misunderstandings push your loving family members, neighbors, and precious people away from you, but embrace them through understanding. Love and happiness are not far from you, but they are within understanding.