A Blessed Mission, the Duty of Giving Love

A pastor couple of a small church used to live next door when I was young. As my mother was a close friend of them, I naturally started to attend their church because I had been a Christian since my birth.

Sunday was the busiest day of the week for me. Since I hold various positions in the church—president of the youth group, manager of general affairs, secretary, etc., I had to go to church early in the morning and came back home around midnight, totally exhausted. Despite that, I loved working for the church. My only desire was to love God and do the work of God all my life.

The church often got into trouble. There were many conflicts among the members, and their conflicts became more and more serious, and they were finally divided into two groups when I was a university student. I wondered why those things kept happening in the church, the dwelling place of God who is love. I felt that God would not dwell there, although He fills the whole universe. After much thought, I decided to stop going to that church.

As I lost the pivot point in my life, I found nothing interesting or fun anymore; everything seemed to me meaningless. Although I left the church, I always missed God and wanted to go back to the time when I used to only look for God. So I followed my friends to their churches, and I also took a 2-year education program for the members in a famous Protestant church. But my heart still felt empty.

After I got married, I attended a Protestant church which my husband’s family attended. While moving from one church to another for a long time, I came to the conclusion that I would only try to find God, regardless of what kind of church I would attend. It seemed like I had found stability, but actually it was more like resignation.

When the due date of my second child’s birth was approaching, I met some members from the Church of God. When they told me about the Sabbath, I felt upset by the fact that I did not even know the most basic truth—the Biblical day of worship—although I had read the Bible many times and had also read through all kinds of Christian books. After hearing about the Sabbath, I ran to the library and searched through all history books to find out whether or not the Sabbath day is the true day of worship. Not only the Sabbath but all the other things that they had taught me turned out to be true. All the church history books as well as the Bible proved that the Sabbath is the true day of worship and it is God’s will to keep the Sabbath. According to the absolute teaching of the Bible, I received the truth.

In the Church of God, I found the true God whom I had been looking for so eagerly. The truth was so clear and perfect. However, although I acknowledged the truth, I found it hard to accept it into my heart. I felt very frustrated as if something had got stuck in my heart. As I learned from the Bible that we should preach the gospel, I started preaching; I preached the Word during the daytime and studied the Bible at night. I gained more and more knowledge of the Bible and bore fruit as well. One of my friends received the truth and grew to be an evangelist very quickly, and another sister realized Mother and cried a lot. However, I was still lacking in understanding.

Then one day, when I was sitting by a sister who was preaching the Bible, each and every word of her preaching was deeply engraved on my heart. It felt like the scattered pearls were put together to be a beautiful necklace. In that one moment, I realized that all the prophecies and parables in the Bible, from the first page to the last, ultimately focus on “Heavenly Mother” who is the core of the truth; She is truly the Mother of my spirit, not just God who is far away from me.

I began to preach the truth without hesitation to whomever I met. I couldn’t be happier. I had been dreaming to devote my whole life to the work of God. My dream finally came true! After I moved from Seoul to Gimhae, I was blessed with more abundant fruit, and I was also given a duty for the gospel. It felt like there was nothing in the world more joyful and exciting than preaching the gospel.

I am a kind of person who is very prudent and clear in what I want and what I don’t. As for the gospel work as well, I made detailed plans and followed the plans systematically. When all the plans worked out through God’s help, I felt really great beyond description. But at the same time, I felt frustrated over those who did not work in the same way as I did. I thought that there was nothing too hard for us if we set a goal or plan wisely and just followed it. So I couldn’t understand why they did not do that, whenever I saw them having a hard time not producing good results of the gospel. I didn’t understand those who were suffering hardships, either. I thought that they were going through unnecessary suffering because they did not acting wisely enough. Worried about them, I tried to advise them rather than to understand how heartbroken they were, thinking that I should help them out. I didn’t really know that what I said would hurt their feelings.

Meanwhile, an unexpected hardship came upon me as well. I used to regard suffering as something that would only happen to others. So, when it came upon me, I felt that all my plans or my logical thoughts were meaningless. There was no one to rely on except Heavenly Mother. I eagerly prayed that I would be able to overcome the hard, painful time which I could not handle by myself.

If Mother had not held me up, my soul might have collapsed at that time. As I endured and persevered, only looking for Mother, the clouds were taken away from me and a sunny day came.

After I went through the hard time, the brothers and sisters looked different than before. It is really true that the more we go through pain, the more mature we become. I came to realize this important truth: The suffering we encounter on the path of our faith is not something caused by someone else or something we should be blamed for, but it is the cross which we must carry so that our souls can be fully born again. If I had not gone through the suffering, I would still have been unable to understand why the members were having such a hard time and how painful it was for them.

After I threw away all my wrong criterions, the members looked so lovely and beautiful. Those whom I used to feel frustrated over, thinking that they were not wise enough to act properly, were actually wiser and stronger than anyone else; as God’s sons and daughters, they were faithfully carrying their own crosses and silently going through all the hardships. Each and every one of them looked really great and shiny especially when they were trying to save a soul, worrying about other people without caring about their own difficulties. Actually there was no reason to hate them. However, since I looked at them with a crooked mind, I couldn’t sincerely love them.

Afterward, some more trials came upon me as if they were trying to stir me up. Although I knew that what I was going through would turn out to be nothing as time passed by, it hurt my weak heart a lot. I was so overwhelmed with sorrow that I cried many times. When I became exhausted and depressed, I felt like somebody was whispering to me, “You’ve done enough, and it would be better for you to give up on the gospel mission now.”

After my long prayers, I received an answer from Mother. The answer was “preaching the gospel.” Mother always embraced my soul so that I would not go astray from the path of the gospel. Even in an utterly helpless situation, I thought of Mother and decided never to give up. Then I found that the door had already been opened for me. When I gathered up my mind and began to preach again, Mother comforted my weary heart with the joy of saving a soul.

There was an old lady who lived near Zion. When she was younger, she had been to many different denominations, but she couldn’t find the truth anywhere and stopped going to church. She reminded me of myself before I received the truth. She had read the Bible so many times that whenever we taught her something, she already knew what verse in the Bible was talking about it. However, she found it hard to receive God who came in the flesh again. She didn’t want to listen to us anymore, and she even tried to avoid us. Whenever I passed by her house, my heart ached a lot.

A few months later, one Sabbath day, I left my home a little earlier than usual. While walking in the street, I suddenly remembered the old lady. At that moment, I saw her walking towards me. I was so glad to see her that I ran toward her and hugged her, saying hello to her. She looked a bit embarrassed, but she was also probably so happy to see me that she said with a smile:

“There is nothing I’ve done for you. How come you love me so much?”

I think that true love does not expect anything in return. Actually, I myself don’t fully understand how come I can love someone else, whose name and face I would not have known without the truth. The only thing I know for sure is that Mother’s love has been deeply engraved in my soul and it enables me, who used to be a selfish, calculating person, to love other people.

Since the old lady realized Mother’s love, she has become a completely different person. She feels so anxious that she even shed tears, saying, “There is nothing I can give to God. I want to gain more talents quickly so that I can repay God’s grace even just a little bit, but my friends would not listen to me at all.” I believe that her sincerity will soon make the flower of life bloom in someone else’s heart.

My second child, who was still in my womb when I received the truth, has already become a high school student. Even my child is mature enough to take care of me, but I am still spiritually immature that I just cause Mother to worry. Nevertheless, Mother smiles at me and even thanks me for the mere fact that I am staying in Her embrace.

Sometimes I think about why God has led me to Zion although I am very weak and full of faults, and why God has been holding me continuously to stand on the foundation of the gospel. I believe that it is because I am still lacking in love and I need to make up what is lacking in my love.

I used to think that I knew and realized Heavenly Mother whom the Bible testifies about. However, I did not understand that Mother is love itself although I knew that She is the core of the truth. Why haven’t I continuously loved my brothers and sisters who share the same flesh and blood, even though I have received so much love from Mother?

We are all parts of the body of Christ, but we have different roles and gifts. Nevertheless, I just wanted other members to think and act the same way as I did. It was as if the hand said to the foot, “Why don’t you act like I do?” I misunderstood my narrow-minded thoughts as the will of God, and I thought that I loved the members, not realizing that true love is accepting and embracing each other’s differences.

Come to think of it, the gospel movement of ten talents is a mission that God has given us to enable us love one another even more. Only love can accomplish it. However, I only focused on the visible results, putting love aside. I feel ashamed myself for having stubbornly insisted on my own way.

There are still some members who do not feel enough to approach me. I think that it is because my accent is different from theirs and that I don’t look like an easy-going person. In actuality, however, it is most likely because have not yet been fully reborn. This makes my heart ache. Now I eagerly pray that I will be a love-filled person, spotless and faultless in God’s eyes.

I’d like to give love to everyone I meet, anytime and anywhere, as well as when I preach the gospel. So, I always try to preach, even when I go to a store to buy something. There is a beauty shop where I visit once in a while. Recently I preached to a hairdresser working there. She was surprised to hear the truth, but she closed her mind after hearing some groundless slanders against our Church. Now, however, she enjoys going to Zion, saying, “The Church of God is so warm and full of love.” There is another sister whom I preached to. Before she got married, she used to believe in God, but after marriage she began to follow the practice of ancestor worship because of her husband’s family. For this reason, she kept hesitating to come to God. However, she is now boldly following God’s will. I think that her soul must have felt the love of God. Love makes everything possible, and sincerity always works.

Mother, thank You! Thank You for letting me know what love is and for entrusting me with the job of loving people, among so many jobs in the world. I believe that the day will surely come when Mother’s love will sprout and bloom in everyone’s heart if I love Mother as well as my brothers and sisters and preach that love to one person, then another. Until that day comes, I will continue to give love, like our Mother who is love.