November 18, 2020

Warm Words Save the Family

One small but the biggest thing you can do for your family is to say warm words full of affection and care.

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There are the sayings: “Words have no feet, but they travel far,” and “Words can even repay a huge debt.” These show how powerful words are. Words can control the happiness of a family; they can break the family bond, or strengthen family’s love.

The way the family members talk shows how strong and peaceful their family bond is. “Is there anything you know how to do?” “You stay home all day, doing nothing!” “You are stubborn-headed!” Love cannot exist in a family if the members use these kinds of words, not regarding the other person’s feeling.

Everybody wants a sweet home. Wouldn’t you be very happy if a warm atmosphere fills your home when you come back tired after work? The way to raise the temperature of your home is to speak warm words. No matter how much you leave the heat on, it will be ice cold inside the house if there is only silence or if the family speaks cold or rough words and yell at each other.

According to many surveys, almost the half of respondents said they communicated with their family less than thirty minutes a day. They don’t have time to talk to each other though they live in the same house, but what is even sadder is that the family conversation that is less than half an hour long ends in an argument. How sad it is to waste such a precious time quarrelling with each other!

It doesn’t mean that it’s always good to converse with your family for a long time. As long as you can give strength and courage to each other and confirm each other’s love, a short time can be enough. “I trust you,” “It’s okay. That could happen,” “Mom and Dad are happy for you.” These expressions raise the home temperature, vitalize the family atmosphere, and strengthen the family.

Verbal abuse is violence

The usage of rough words is exceeding the bounds of reason. Teenagers don’t filter what they say; they easily say swear words. Quite many people quit their jobs because of the verbal abuse from their bosses or customers. Even in the media, rough words are easily shared without filtering. It gets worse in the cyber world where anonymity is guaranteed.

Patricia Evans, the expert in communication, said, “Verbal abuse is a means to show that one is above the other. It is not visible like the physical abuse, but gives much bigger pain. The victim falls into confusion and self-esteem breaks down little by little.” It is a big mistake to try to show their superiority through aggressive words or offensive language. That kind of way of talking can make the other person submissive on the outside, but not in the inside; the other never admits from the heart that the speaker is superior to him.

People are afraid of making mistakes. And of course, that’s not just because they’re afraid of the outcome of the mistakes, but it’s also because they’re afraid of what they will have to hear from others. “Can’t you even do that properly?” “What can I expect from you?” “I shouldn’t have trusted you.” People get intimidated because these heart-stabbing words go across their minds as a first thing. Even if it was their mistake, if they get attacked with these words, they’ll feel a sense of repugnance and think, ‘This is not even a serious mistake!’ ‘I will see how well you do that job!’

Kids who grew up, listening verbal abuse from parents, are likely to derail. Even adults falter by abusive remarks. Then what about those little children? No matter how you wrap your rough words with a mild platitude like “This advice is for your sake,” if it gives stress to the listener, the effect is zero, no rather, minus. Have you ever thought, ‘We’re a family. I know he doesn’t want to hear this, but who will tell him like this?’ With this sense of responsibility, haven’t you pointed out their mistakes and given them stress? If you have to point out something, you should do it with warm words so that they don’t get hurt. That is when they can feel that your advice is from love and concern, and that warmth changes them.

Swear words, or any remarks that belittle someone’s appearance, disregard someone’s abilities, and insult someone’s character are all violence. It is a shortcut to making your family weak and sick. How warlike will it be if there is a pile of guns, knives, and bombs inside the house? Verbal abuse is like a weapon. One will have to pay the price for using a weapon. Verbal abuse makes the speaker a victim as well as the listener. Our brains do not distinguish whether what comes out of our mouths is for oneself or for someone else. The brains take those abusive words which were meant to be for someone else as for themselves as well.

Our life is too short even to just say good things. A life tainted by words such as “It’s so frustrating” or “It’s irritating” or “I’m sick of it” cannot be happy. Examine your linguistic habits and the way you talk when you talk to your family.

The power of a kind word

A man in his 30s was sitting with his legs dangling over the Ha’penny Bridge in Dublin, Ireland. He had tears in his eyes. He was about to give up his life. Then a sixteen-year old boy, Jamie, saw him while crossing the bridge. He went over to the man and asked him, “Are you okay?” As the boy kept talking to him, the man moved to a safer spot and changed his mind. Three months later, the boy received a text message from the man who was going to take his own life. His message read that his wife was pregnant, and that they decided to name their baby “Jamie.” The man said those few words “Are you okay?” saved his life and that they were still ringing in his head every day.

Park Ji-sung, a soccer hero in South Korea, said that the kind words of Guus Hiddink, the soccer manager, changed his life: When Park was sitting alone in the locker room with his injured leg, Hiddink said, “You have a strong spirit. With that spirit, you can definitely become a great soccer player.”

Park is not the only person whose life was changed by the words of encouragement. The value of such words cannot be exchanged with anything. The words, “Thank you for working hard for our family,” can straighten the husband’s shoulders. The words, “You are more beautiful than any actresses,” can remove the wife’s wrinkles. “Mom and Dad, I love you,” and “I love you, my son and daughter,” make the parents and the children the happiest people in the world.

Kind words calm down an angry person. When someone among your family is angry, if you use aggressive words like, “You are overreacting,” or “Why are you taking it out on me,” or “What did I do?” it is like adding fuel to the fire. In such a situation, it’s better to listen and empathize with the person who is upset, by saying, “I’m sorry” or “You seem pretty mad about it” or “Do you want to tell me why you are upset?” Then he will easily calm down.

The best parents are the ones who say good things to their children, not necessarily the ones who give them nice clothes and send them to good schools. The best husband is the one who says kind words to his wife, not necessarily the one who makes good money. The best wife is the one who gives her husband energy with kind words. Kind words have the power of vitality. Radiate that power to your family in your daily life.

During the Holocaust, a girl and her younger brother were on their way to Auschwitz concentration camp on the train. When she found out that her brother lost his shoes, she got so angry and said, “Can’t you even take care of your shoes? What’s wrong with you?” That became the last thing she told him. They never saw each other again. She survived and her brother didn’t. And walking out of Auschwitz concentration camp, she mumbled, “From now on, I will only speak things that I will not be ashamed of if they become the last words in my life.”

Our lives are unpredictable. Think about the last word you told your family today. Was it something good to be the last word to leave something you won’t regret even if you part from your family now and forever?

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