Mother’s Mind

Choi Eun-hye from Incheon, South Korea

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My sister is one year older than me. Since we are similar in age, we often squabbled like friends. On all such occasions, however, my parents scolded me. I couldn’t accept their minds no matter how well they treated me because I thought it was unfair.

As I began to work, I moved out from my parents’ and lived by myself. I went to see them once a week. One day, my mother, my sister, and I went shopping to a department store together after a long time. Looking around, here and there, my mother spotted my sister’s old shoes, and went to a shoe store to get a pair of shoes for her. I thought, ‘She will buy my shoes, too.’ After my mother bought my sister’s shoes, however, she headed for some grocery. When we came back to the shoe store after buying some grocery, I couldn’t stand it any longer and said,

“Mom, I’ll buy shoes, too.”

“Your shoe size is too small to buy here.”

As she said, my feet are very small; so shoes of my size were rare. Still, I badly wanted some shoes. I picked some shoes to my taste, but my mother was right; all shoes were big for me.

As we came out of the store without having any other choice, I pouted angrily. The mood became heavy.

“I’m sorry. I’ll buy you later in the shop we usually go.”

On the way home, my mother kept saying she was sorry. It didn’t make me feel better, though. Considering that my mother loved my sister like the apple of her eye, whereas I was treated like a fifth wheel in the family, I even thought that I might not be my mother’s real daughter.

My sister texted me when I was going back to my place.

‘Mom told you she would buy you shoes somewhere else. Lighten up.’

When I was about to feel gloomier, her next message pricked my conscience.

‘Hadn’t she bought you expensive sneakers the other day?’

Oh, that was true. I felt sorry that I was angry with my mother. Then I remembered the past event which I had totally forgotten.

When my sister was born, her weight was far below normal. She grew in an incubator for a while. She easily got ill after that, which troubled my mother much. On the contrary, I was healthy and sturdy by nature.

My parents paid more attention to my sister not because they were ignoring me, but because they were just worried about her who got ill frequently. And of course there were many times when they treated me better than my sister.

My mother just wanted to buy a pair of shoes because my sister’s shoes were too old. I felt ashamed of myself. It was me not my mother that should apologize.

I sent a text message to my mother right away.

‘Mom, I’m sorry. You know I love you, right?’

After a few minutes, my mother, who was not good at texting, sent me a reply.

‘ :- ) ’

The simple emoticon showed my mother’s mind.

I’m immature and always insist on my opinion, complaining to my mother. I act the same even toward Heavenly Mother. Then my mother feels sorry for something that she deserves to be angry about, and cares about me with love. It is also the same with Heavenly Mother. It’s awful that I always realize things a little bit late. Now I should grow mature, so that I can become Mother’s smile.